10/06/2016

Potter-more Facts: By Star Reporter Rita Skeeter

I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good

Hogwarts Mystery Finally Detected 

If a mere Muggle ever comes across Hogwarts School of Witchcraft & Wizardry, it would look like just a dilapitated building with a “Keep Out: Dangerous” sign on it. Safe?

The Potter Trio Tailed 


  • The Chosen One who now heads the Auror Department and his ginger headed friend have now utterly revolutionized(?) the Department. Is the Chosen One embroiling in fresh mysteries that will one day explode upon us all, plunging us into a new age of terror and mayhem?
  • The Likely mentally ill friend of the Chosen One, whose ginger hair appears to be thinning slightly, left his Auror job, only two years after entering into employment with the Ministry of Magic alongside Potter, to co-manage the famous madhouse emporium - Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes, with his brother(another ginger head too!!). 
  • The femme fatale of the group, the devious Ms Prissy, who once toyed with the young Potter’s affections before being seduced by the famous Quidditch player Viktor Klum. She has finally settled for Potter’s faithful sidekick. After a meteoric rise to Deputy Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, she is now tipped to go even higher within the Ministry. 
  • The trio were featured on Chocolate Frog Cards for all their accomplishments. 

Weasley Gang Rounded Up 


  • Mr.Head Weasley punched Lucius Malfoy in their sixth year. Lucius had said some particularly nasty things about Arthur's "mudblood cronies" and Molly marched over right afterward and asked him to marry her. 
  • Mrs.Head Weasley named her twins so similar to her twin brothers, named(Fabian and Gideon), members of the original Order of the Phoenix, who were killed the first time that He-Who-Could-Not-Be-Named tried to take over the wizarding world. 
  • The first time Long-haired-pillock Weasley met his part Veela wife at Gringotts, he wasn't very impressed. It really took time to see her for herself and finally ask for a date but he knew during that night that she was the one for him. 
  • The Dragon-chasing Weasley had to take his Apparition test twice. He reportedly failed on the first attempt, materialising nearly five miles south of his target location. You know where? On top of a poor old Muggle woman, who was peacefully doing her shopping. 
  • The Ministry-lapdog Weasley married a woman named Audrey and had two daughters, Molly and Lucy. Possibly one or both of his daughters were attending or starting at Hogwarts in 2017.
  • Angeline Johnson, who was actually asked to the Yule Ball by the Deceased Weasley, her Quidditch teammate, was eventually married to the surviving Twin Weasley and has two kids named Fred and Roxanne. Her husband now continues to run the Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes with the help of his younger brother. 
  • The Sidekick Weasley's patronus is a jack russel terrier, which is known for chasing otters Little Miss Perfect's patronous is an otter. The otters are members of the weasel family. This foreshadows her fate of being shackled to the Weasley clan forever. 
  • After the Second Wizarding War, Mrs.Weasley Potter became a professional Quidditch player for the Holyhead Harpies. Wheather she really had the talent or experience to be sent to the Quidditch World Cup, is highly doubtful. 

Teachers Facts Painfully Collected 


  • Albus Dumbledore, eccentric Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, must have been given the name because his mother must have pictured him humming to himself(like a bumblebee). However this notoriously controversial headmaster was a gay, who fell in love with the dark wizard Gellert Grindelwald. 
  • Minerva McGonagall, once a simple, sentimental Transfiguration teacher, the now Headmaster of Hogwarts, was initially a gifted Quidditch player. But a nasty fall she experienced, in her final year at Hogwarts, left her with a concussion and several broken ribs. 
  • Patronus charm used to ward off Dementors, is a physical representation of one’s soul. It is known and noted by the magical community that Professor Snape’s patronus transformed into a doe due to causes unknown. However reliable sources reveal that the patronus’ was same as The Chosen Mother’s. Let’s wonder why? 
  • The ferocious-looking half-giant's best work, before he was expelled, wasn’t in Care of Magical Creatures, which he is supposed to teach, but in History of Magic and Transfiguration. It is speculated that he used his Transfiguration skills to hide his wand halves concealed inside of a pink umbrella. 
  • The Longbottom boy worked briefly as an Auror immediately following the war. He married his former classmate and D.A. member Hannah Abbott and became the Professor of Herbology at Hogwarts (and maybe a drunk). 

Know the best Assorted facts 


  • He-Who-Could-Not-Be-Named was 71 years old when he died in the Battle of Hogwarts. Bellatrix Lestrange gave birth to his daughter, in secret at the Malfoy Manor in the mid-to-late 1990s, and she was named Delphi. 
  • Guess what The House-Elf’s first and last words were - Harry Potter. July 1992 - “Harry Potter, such an honor it is.” | March 1998 - “... happy to be with his friend, Harry Potter”, while it’s Butterbeer addicted friend continues to work at Hogwarts. 
  •  The Malfoy boy seemed truly sorry for having a part of the reason that Weasley boy died. He possibly would never tell anyone he was at his funeral but reliable sources reveal that they saw him cry, apologising to a headstone. 

The top most secret : The very first Harry Potter book was published in 1998, the same year that the Battle of Hogwarts took place."I open at the close"

Finished Reading - Harry Potter and the Cursed Child - Parts I & II (Special Rehearsal Edition)?